The Dream of the Unreachable Pocket

Denne tekst er til rygere – og til dig, der kæmper med en anden afhængighed. Jeg skrev den i et subreddit for folk, der prøver at stoppe med at ryge, og ville dele den her(inspirationskilde er en drøm, midt i en krise efter rygestop). Hey, I just wanted to share something with you. Maybe it’ll motivate you. Maybe it’ll make you reflect. Either way, it’s been sitting with me, and I think it’s worth putting into words. I call it: The Dream of the Unreachable Pocket. It all started with loneliness. I had this strange dream - the kind you get when you quit. But maybe it wasn’t just mine. Maybe it’s every smoker’s dream. I was at a company party. I didn’t know the company - only that it had everything needed for a celebration. I wore my best outfit. The room was full of happy people who accepted me. I’d never felt more included. I didn’t cough - where the phlegm always represented misery. I didn’t feel anxious. I was present. I kept trying to find my cigarettes. Every time I reached for them, they were tucked away in an impossible pocket I couldn’t access. I’d get distracted by someone I didn’t know - someone approaching me with a friendly gesture. I smiled and laughed the whole time. I could just be me. I reached for that pocket again… but still couldn’t get to the cigarettes. The party continued. Eventually, it ended. I had the best food, though I didn’t eat a thing. I got drunk without really drinking. It was the perfect transition to the city. And at no point did I think about health. It was the time before I started smoking. Suddenly, I was in the city. I met people at the crosswalk, waiting for the green light. Everyone was waiting - and I was happy. People approached me with warmth. We smiled and laughed, and I cracked my worst dad jokes. I’d never felt so accepted. I thought the green light represented the start, and the red was the wait. It felt like the entire city was my friend - and I was the city’s friend. Again, I reached for my cigarettes. Still, they were in that unreachable pocket. I woke up with the biggest smile. Just like the dreams where you fall in love or dream something beautiful. But this time, I fell in love with a friend I’d never met. I’d never felt this kind of longing before - the longing for a true friend. Maybe the longing for the time before I started to smoke. I reflected on what sparked the dream: I read Allen Carr’s book before falling asleep - he keeps talking about enjoying everything and anything without smoking. That really affected my dream – also, read the book! And then it hit me: I need friends. Because this will end in loneliness. Not because of the cigarettes - but because of the reason I started smoking in the first place. It was the longing for acceptance. Even though that was a long time ago, and I’m no longer in clubs trying to impress girls, the feeling still lingers. This time, though, the cigarettes are in the trash bin - not in my pocket(but still impossible). I still feel insecure, anxious, concerned about health - waiting for the green light. But this time, I need a friend. Someone to approach me and walk with me across the street. Maybe I just remember how it felt, before the whole thing started. So here’s my thought: Remember what you really wanted. Instead of having that, you started to smoke. Let’s not forget what we were truly reaching for.